Thursday, September 3, 2015

Social Security Sex!

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" 
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." 
"Social Security sex?" 
"Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”

Q: What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler? 
A: Usain Bolt can finish a race.

Q: What has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog because it croaks every night.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Sperm and egg race!

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? 
A: Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.

Monday, August 31, 2015

The priest and the confession!

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. 
The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. 
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. 
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see", 'Yes, go on' and 'I understand.' 'How did you feel about 
that?'" 
The new priest practices, saying these phrases. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?! What happened next?'"