Wednesday, May 27, 2015

A responsible dad!

After marriage the bride put a box next to her bed and told her husband never to open and check the contents.  40 years passed and the husband impatiently opened the box and found there 3 empty bottles of beer and $14000 cash. 
In the evening during the dinner he tells his wife:
"Darling, I have to admit, I opened the box. Would you explain why there are 3 bottles?"
"You see, whenever I cheated on you, I emptied a bottle of beer and put it in a box…"
The husband gives it a pause and thinks: "well, 3 times, that isn’t so much…"
"And why do you keep the 14000$ there?"
"Well, when the bottles do not fit in the box, I return them and get back the deposit."

Wife to husband:
"Honey, Robert called you."
"What did he want?"
"He asked me to pass the message to you that you will not go fishing tomorrow."
"Why not?"
"Because the bar was closed for repair works.

John is getting ready to become a father – he has changed his phone number and living address.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Humor with husband and wife!

Husband and wife are talking :

"I love you!" 
"Prove it!" 
"Shout that you love me so the whole world can hear you." 
He quietly walked over and whispered in her ear: 
"I love you …" 
"Why so quiet and why in the ear?" 
"Because the whole world for me – it’s only you."

My wife decided to lose weight.

She started going to the fitness classes, pool and singing lessons.
You probably want to ask:”Why the singing lessons?”
She just want to make herself as busy as possible,so she doesn't have a lot of time to eat.

Husband and wife divorcing.

The court judge ask husband:
"What is the reason for divorce?"
"Unfortunately my wife and me have completely different interests : I interested only in women, and she interested only in men…"

"Why do you want to divorce your wife?"

"She smokes in bed!"
"Well,that's not a reason for divorce."
"Yes,but also she likes to use my ear as an ashtray!"

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Humor in married life!

Wife comes back from very expensive VIP hairdressing salon and asks husband :
"Honey,how do you like my new hairstyle?"
Husband looked at wife and says :
"Don't worry, it'll grow back fast !

Husband asks wife :

"Why did you start making steaks different sizes ?"

Wife: "But,Honey,didn't you ask for some diversity in our daily diet ?"

After ten years of marriage, the wife asks her husband: 

"Honey, are you by nature a winner or a loser?" 
Husband: "Honey, over the years I realized that I am the victim …"