Friday, September 22, 2017

Why is married women heavier than single women?

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."


Source: Internet

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Marriage miracles!

A little boy was attending his first wedding. 
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. 
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. 
"How do you know that?" 
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"


"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.  
She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. 

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. 

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

Source: Internet





Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Old couple !

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

Source: Internet