Friday, January 26, 2018

The duck in drug store!

A duck walks into a drug store and asks for a tube of ChapStick. 
The store assistant locates the tube and informs the duck that the tube costs $1.29.
The duck replies, "Okay. Put it on my bill."

Jack and Joe went to a forest for hunting.  When they were chasing an animal, Joe keeled over .  Jack was panicky and dialed 911 for help.  He said in a shivering voice, "My friend suddenly dropped dead.  What am I supposed to do now?"
A soothing voice at the other end said, "Don't worry, I can help.  First of all make sure that your friend is dead."
There was a brief silence and a gun shot was heard by the operator.  Jack picked up the phone once again and said, "Okay, what do I do now?" 

Source: Readers' Digest

Monday, January 22, 2018

St. Peter and the HMO Manager!

Two doctors and a HMO Manager die and wait at the entrance of Pearly Gate for an interview with St. Peter. 
The first doctor, a pediatrician, meets St. Peter and states that he has saved the lives of a lot of  poor  children in his country. St. Peter asks him to enter Heaven.
The other doctor says, "I am a psychiatrist and I have helped thousands of people lead a peaceful life."  St. Peter allows him in.
The third person, a HMO Manager states, "I got countless families cost-effective healthcare." 
St. Peter replies, "You may enter, but you can stay here for just 3 days.  Thereafter you will go to Hell!"

A young man called the directory for assistance.  "Hello, I would like the telephone number of Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings of that name in Phoenix, Arizona", replied the operator.  "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated for a while and said, "Well, most of the people call me Ice Man."

The owner of a cinema theatre in New York City passed away at the age of 65.  A newspaper published the following message about his funeral:
"The funeral will be held on Wednesday at 2:15 pm, 4:30 pm, 6:45 pm and 9:00 pm."

Source: Readers' Digest

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Jokers jokes!

CRICKET ISN'T our national sport; hockey is. Which is weird, because whenever I see a dude with a hockey stick, my first thought is never, "Wow, this man will make our country proud." It's always "He's going to thrash somebody." TANMAY BHATcomedian, AIB   
I WAS ONCE INVITED to entertain at an anniversary. When I reached the venue, a man led me to the function. "Ladies and gentlemen," he announced. "MrRajuSrivastav. It's going to be a memorable night." After regaling the audience for nearly an hour, when I reached the hotel's lobby, another man came up to me and said angrily, "We've been looking for you for an hour!"
"I have just entertained your guests!" I exclaimed, only to realize that I'd been tricked into performing at the wrong function. Comedian RAJU SRIVASTAV
A man is on the phone with someone. "I have to go," he says. "I'm getting a better call." ANUVAB PALstand-up comedian and screenwriter, on his favourite cartoon from The New Yorker
A MAN SENT in 10 entries to a joke competition. He didn't win. No pun intended.
ASHISH SHAKYA, comedian, AIB. "I saw this joke in Reader's Digest when I was around 10 years old. I thought, 'Oh, this is the best thing I've ever read in my life.'"
Source: Readers' Digest